Sunday, January 28, 2018

Coming Out

I came out when I was twenty-one and still living in North Carolina. I really never spoke about how I came out until I met another lesbian Christian, about a year ago. I met her at a Bible study on finance at an unaffirming church (I am taking the class for the second time...). Towards the end of the class, she came out to the group about how conflicted she feels about being gay. Mind you, the woman has been in a loving relationship with another woman for a long time. They have a kid together. But there was something about her that made me go... "Hold on now, we aren't doing anything wrong." I felt inexplicably protective of her. So we made time to chat about it and in the conversation, I told her about what it was like for me to come out. Perhaps seeing someone else's pain made me less afraid of my own.

Anyway, because of the above movie starring these two Hollywood ladies, my mother finally understood what it was like for me to come out to her and my family. Because of "Jenny's Wedding" (2015) the lesbian experience is a little less strange. I am so grateful that stories can do this, that they can put you in someone else's shoes and help you understand something, you wouldn't otherwise comprehend. And that they can make us grateful for when God gives us the courage to live honestly, even when it costs us so much to do so.

This show

True confession: I have seen both seasons of Netflix's "The Crown" twice. It is legit, my favorite show. I love everything about Queen Elizabeth's journey, her constant fight to be heard, to be taken seriously, her desire to fulfill her duty and how it conflicts with her love for her family. She is SUCH an inspiration. There is this scene where she goes to visit the Prime Minister in the hospital. She visits him to get his resignation in person because he doesn't have the gall to go to her himself. Her response is so exquisitely perfect. It reflects her strength and commitment to the crown by comparing herself to the three men her entire nation deem more suitable to lead than her. 

"I have been barely queen ten years, and in that time I've had three prime ministers, all of them ambitious men, clever men, brilliant men. Not one has lasted the course. They've either been too old, too ill, or too weak. A Confederacy of elected quitters." 

When you consider the ways the men second guess her, dismiss her and how they don't take her seriously, this scene makes so much sense. It's so important and so true. I love this show.

My Grandma

I like the rainbow :)


Where do I start?

I went to the LA Women's March this year and stood in the cold for almost three hours before we finally began to move. It took about an hour of pushing their plump bodies around us before we followed the trend and slid through the crowd to get closer to the stage so we could see the speakers. There was a lot of emphasis on the trans community (thank God!) and it was an amazing moment when a trans woman of color finally took the mic (own voices please...). Jalisa (who I met for the first time that morning) brought with her jokes and insight and a sense of humanity that made me think and laugh for a good four hours. If you are stuck in a political march with anyone, you want to be stuck with her. The signs people held were full of angst, discontent and questions and hope. The women, ready, strong, awake. Did I mention beautiful? That morning, the trains were packed with women ready, women alone, women in tears, strangers talking about the importance of gathering together. I was so grateful for the whole day, for God's blessing upon that morning, for my deepening sense of duty and responsibility I feel toward those around me. 

New Bern and cooking

It's been really great spending time with Kyle over the winter break. He truly is the better version of all of us - compassionate, kind, hopeful, and engaging. New Bern, North Carolina is this adorable beach town that Kyle, my mom and I drove to one day. Kyle was in the mood for photos so I took a bunch of cool shots of him. This town is where the first Pepsi cola was made. It's also a bit of a beach town, like something straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel. I absolutely want to come here during the summer and spend more time. 

I cooked a lot while I was home this year and I think it got him in the mood to cook too. Now, to be perfectly honest, Kyle is definitely the better cook. And so is mom. I am the kind of cook that has to read the directions over and over again to really comprehend the recipe enough. But he's a natural. I want to renew my relationship with food. I would like to be more connected to the ingredients and master recipes and learn more about how to make food and eating clean, as part of my daily life. Can you tell LA is rubbing off on me?