Saturday, February 21, 2015

Chinatown, SF in black and white

San Francisco in black and white

A little more...

Sometimes I am given a little more than I can handle. I lie in bed,  walk down Stockton street, sit at the park or overhear a friend complain about their boyfriend and I think. I think of what can be, of what should be, of what MUST be and I become infused with a deep sense responsibility to tell a story that needs to be told. So I think. I write. I cast. I plan. I draw. I call people up for favors, hoping for team work and inexpensive collaboration and I begin to direct what I think, and I always think this, will be the most AMAZING movie ever. So much of that experience feels like a gift. Something I've been given, unmerited favor, a gift. But this time, it was too much.

What did God have in mind when he made some people artists and others consumers?? What was He thinking when he so generously bestowed on some the tender sensibility to see and feel what others can't endure?? It's too easy to blame God. Everyone does that. It's juvenile. Petty. Ridiculous. Unmerited. But I can't help to believe God knew how my heart would break and how my mind would pierce and burn and empty out into what feels like an endless pool of pain with this film. Maybe it was the story?? What am I doing tackling the journey of a troubled marriage, an identity crisis, deep insecurity and an affair ?? Did I think I could hold fire and NOT BURN? 

This film has asked of me a little more than I can give. More than I deserve.  But, despite all my complaining, demanding,  I still find God understanding, I still find Him caring about me. Listening. Watching. Holding my tired head up. Keeping me near. HE IS a little more than I can give. More than I deserve. 

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Paintings by Andrew Wyeth

Or more like, "Stories by Andrew Wyeth." This guy is amazing. His art is incredible. Each painting tells a story, and a deeply honest one. The first painting, reminds me of family. I love the emptiness it conveys and how close the light is too the roof. Perhaps suggesting that "light" can cause damage as well as illumination. 
Helga is stunning. Her illuminated skin and deeply colored hair are details that demonstrate a ravenous love for his subject. Not sure about the back story between him and this women but I would venture to say he was in love and deeply so. I love how everything around her is dark too, as if she provides the only evidence of grace in a very dark situation. Brown never looked so beautiful.
The last piece is lovely, especially in a very traditional sense. We all love watching sheer curtains flow out of a window. But what makes this unique are the warm colors he uses in conjunction with such this "cool" experience. This gives us the feeling what that breeze must have been to those experiencing it--much needed. 

My first music video

Began editing my first music video and let me tell you-there are MANY CUTS. Action is intensified by the rhythm you create in disruptions of what the eye sees. So I need to go from wides to close ups in seconds and then back again. I'm trying to create a seamless experience as this guy moves. Everything is more concise and has to click quickly, in music videos.  Suffice to say, I'm totally enjoying the process and looking forward to creating more videos for this amazing guy.

Escaping our own Humanity

Couple Sundays ago, my beloved pastor preached about Jesus being tempted by the devil at the height of a 40 day fast. My pastor shed a new light on the event, suggesting that it would have been easy, if not logical, for Jesus to listen to the Devil. Jesus is God. He is both God and man so why not use some of the benefits of his godliness, the way super heroes do, and help himself. Eat. Get the power and respect you DESERVE.  But Jesus would not run away from his own humanity. He would not forsake his human vulnerability and weariness and brokenness in exchange for a single ounce of celestial comfort.

We are always trying to escape our own humanity. ALWAYS. Anything not to feel the pain of being rejected. Anything not to fully experience the extent of loss. Anything not to be consumed by the inundation of misfortunes that befall on human beings day in and day out. But God, in his unfathomable grace gives us this passage,  the example of someone who will not runaway from his own humanity. He will submit himself, as someone who knows who he is and where he belongs, to be crushed by the heavy hand of circumstance. He will follow God's will into maturity because God is trust worthy. He always is.

Now: To follow that example and to write stories about women who will not run away from their own humanity, but embrace it as a gift.

LAYOVER: Rehearsal

This first rehearsal in a new project has me falling in love, all over again with the craft of filmmaking and directing actors. We rehearsed on location to help with inspire and stimulate their imaginations.

This piece is marked by subtlety more so than intensity and I'm discovering that it's much harder to rehearse. It's easier to be mad and throw a plate than to hide feelings and convey shyness. But this film will be a step in that direction, exploring that space as a director with actors. Super excited. Set to shoot late February.